Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's shark week go big or go home
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
