it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My vagina is officially offended.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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