i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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