I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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