that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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