The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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