Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
