somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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