I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
