he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
