Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
