i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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