I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
