i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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