ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
