We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
