I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize