So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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