do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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