yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
