My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize