I don't usually arrange sex via text message
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
