his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
