Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
