No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You ruined the universe
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
