Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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