Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
