from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
