moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
