I hope my margaritas pass through security.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
