I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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