I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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