Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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