:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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