The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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