New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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