She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
