I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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