I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
