new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
