they need to just BURY HIM!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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