What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
