Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
