ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
