Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
