omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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