when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
