I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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