I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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