Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
