You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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