dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He felt like a one man threesome
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
