best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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