People with herpes should wear stickers.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
