So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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