And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
