Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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