He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
