If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
