I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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