is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
