She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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