he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
