Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
