never play flip cup with pint glasses
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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