I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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