i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
