I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
