I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
