last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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