bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
